If there is one word that sums up how I felt as a child, it would be powerless. I was a quiet, shy child, and my large, loud, highly opinionated family scared me even while I longed for their certainty and confidence.
As I discovered later, I was also an empath who did not know how to deal with the constant flood of emotions washing over me. Worse still, I had no one to help me.
My coping mechanism was to live almost entirely inside the safe, predictable world of books which happily had the added benefit of good grades in school. But outside of a book, I still felt like a misfit, vulnerable, and alone and powerless to change any of it.
Funnily, because of my grades and the fact that I was always reading, I was singled out as the brains of the family (not that anyone else was interested in competing for that dubious distinction). My father, a brilliant and gifted student in his youth, saw his reflection in me and gave me a goal. According to him, Harvard was the best and only university in the world worth attending, and that’s where I would go.
After the mandatory teenage years of self-loathing, I emerged at age seventeen into the realization that I was indeed smart and would show everyone how amazing I was by climbing the pinnacle of ambition and excellence that was Harvard. I dug deep, found the courage to shove aside my innate shyness and fears, and set off on my journey, facing down every obstacle with tenacity, determination, drive, and the refusal to back off or bow down.
At age twenty-nine, I was accepted into the prestigious MPAiD graduate program at the Harvard Kennedy School on a full scholarship. I had done it, and I knew my life would never be the same again.
Soon, I was on my way to the kind of success I had only dreamed of. I was now a global consultant with a deeply fulfilling career in the disruptive and innovative field of financial inclusion that allowed me to make a difference in a cause dear to my heart — the upliftment of marginalized and vulnerable communities across Africa. More importantly, on the personal front, I was married to a loving and supportive man and was a mother to two adorable little girls. I had it all.
Or so I told myself repeatedly. I had it all.
So why did I still feel like the powerless, self-doubting misfit who started this journey?
Why did I still feel like the same, scared, under-confident girl I thought I had left far behind?
Why was everything I had achieved not good enough?
What was missing?
What else did I need to do?
The critical voice in my head told me in no uncertain terms that I had not run hard enough or climbed high enough. I needed to do more.
I am immensely proud of myself for not listening to that voice.
I put on my strategic consulting hat and asked myself a question. What was the point of the race if despite all I had achieved I was still standing in the same place?
That’s how the second part of my journey began—my journey inwards towards the real me.
I’ve written in detail about this twenty-year journey of self-discovery in The Inner Purpose Process. What I want to focus on here is what I discovered.
I discovered shame and fear hidden deep within me and learned how to heal myself. I identified the thought and emotional patterns I was locked into and learned how to deconstruct and dismantle those that no longer served me while creating new, more balanced mental and emotional parameters. I found events and people that triggered me and freed myself of them one by one. I learned to accept my humanness and mistakes and heal myself with love and forgiveness. Finally, I uncovered the very essence of my being and purpose – who I am and the unique light I am meant to be in this world.
The entire transformation process from becoming aware of my triggers and patterns to healing and dissolving them has been one of immense freedom and empowerment. By centering and grounding myself in my own presence and purpose I can stand firm in my own power – even as the world careens around me and things constantly change at work and at home.
The journey has been a long and difficult one, but I have discovered and embraced my personal power and freedom. I am no longer at the mercy of random thoughts, emotions, or situations. The powerless little girl I once was has become the powerfully present woman she was always meant to be.
And now, I want to help you step into your own personal presence, purpose, and power.
Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to befriend and share my journey and learnings with many incredible women from all around the world – leaders, achievers, out-of-the-box thinkers, activists and educators.
What I discovered through our deep connections and conversations amazed me.
Each of the women I revealed my deepest questions and fears to had similar questions and fears of her own.
I was not alone. I had never been alone.
Outwardly these women were breaking down barriers, climbing up the corporate ladder and changing the world, yet within them they were beset with the same doubts, questions and fears.
Even though the world looked up to them, these women felt as lost and powerless as I had felt.
Maybe this story sounds familiar to you. Maybe right now you are breaking down barriers and changing lives and achieving your dreams and yet there is a gnawing feeling of ‘is this all’?
A deep need to be more than this, but not knowing where to begin and where to start looking.
I want you to know you are not alone.
Twenty years ago I discovered that a life of outward success but inward doubts, anxiety and second-guessing was no way to live life and I decided to take action.
I started on this journey without really knowing what I was looking for. I stumbled, took one step forward and two steps back, losing my way time and again before I finally began to see the light. It was a long, lonely and difficult path of soul-searching that took a great deal of resolve and persistence.
You on the other hand have a choice.
You can either do this yourself, and if you really want it you will get there eventually. Just like I did. But ask yourself if it is worth living with doubt and uncertainty for years while you get there?
The other option is to reach out and take the helping hand I am holding out to you.
I walked this path for twenty years not just for myself, but also for you. So that I can make this journey easier for all those who are seeking the same answers on the same path.
All you have to do is to click the button below and schedule a 30 minute no obligation call with me to see how I can share what I’ve learned over the course of my journey to get you where you want to be. With me by your side.
I am here to talk, connect and set you on your own amazing journey of self-discovery, empowerment and freedom.
If you know that you are seeking more – what are you waiting for?